The Song of the Quarkbeast: Last Dragonslayer: Book Two Read online

  ‘You’re looking very lovely,’ he said.

  ‘Thank you.’

  He held the door open.

  ‘Wait!’

  It was Tiger, running from the direction of the office and holding a sheet of paper.

  ‘I’m off duty,’ I told him, ‘for the first time in four years.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘No buts. Off duty.’

  I smiled at Perkins as he took my arm and escorted me outside to where my Volkswagen was waiting, the Quarkbeast already sitting on the rear seat with a red ribbon tied around its neck in a vain attempt to make it look less fearsome. Perkins opened the driver’s door for me, and I paused for a moment.

  ‘Perky, would you excuse me just a moment?’

  ‘Sure.’

  I dashed back in and found Tiger walking to the office. A date with Perkins would be fun, but Mystical Arts Management was in my blood, and I needed to know what was going on.

  ‘What’s up, Tiger?’

  ‘The Tralfamosaur escaped,’ he said, greatly relieved. ‘It’s loose somewhere between here and Ross.’

  ‘Anyone eaten?’

  ‘Two railway workers and a fisherman.’

  I clapped my hands together.

  ‘Okay, we’re going to need Lady Mawgon, Full Price and the Magnificent Boo. Have everyone outside in ten minutes ready for the off, and fetch emergency pack Alpha with several sarcastic light globes and a ball of enchanted string. I’m going to go and change.’

  I found Perkins waiting for me as I ran towards the elevators.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘it’s the Tralfamosaur. Do you mind if I . . . ?’

  He smiled.

  ‘Go. But we’ll do this again, yes?’

  ‘We’ve lots of time,’ I replied with a smile, ‘a lifetime of times, I hope.’

  The end of the story

  * * *

  No need to panic. We caught the Tralfamosaur – eventually.

  Lord Tenbury was as good as his word, and all charges against the sorcerers were dropped. None of those in the daisy-chain faced as much as an interview. The King had learned his lesson by now and for the most part left us well alone – we didn’t really cross swords again until the Spoilt Royal Princess Episode, and the 5th Troll War, of course.

  The bridge at Hereford stands there still, and looking at it you would never know that it had ever fallen down and been rebuilt, a testament to the potential of Wizidrical Civil Engineering Projects.

  The Magnificent Boo never came to live at Zambini Towers, but we saw much of her in the years that followed, and she continued her research into the Quarkbeast with extraordinary results. Tchango Muttney and Dame Corby became full members of Kazam and were elevated to ‘Amazing’ status the following March, the same time as Lady Mawgon became ‘Astonishing’ and Moobin ‘Remarkable’. iMagic was disbanded, and although we did eventually bring the mobile phone network back online, it had to wait until after we had finished reactivating medical scanners, radar and microwave ovens.

  Prince Nasil and Owen of Rhayder were grounded for a number of months until we managed to source some angel’s feathers to rebuild their rugs – something that became a small adventure in itself. Mother Zenobia was returned from stone just in time for her to go back to stone for her ‘afternoon nap’. We still see much of her, and value her wise counsel.

  Perkins is still learning as he works, and as far as I can see, learning well. For her stalwart yet rash bravery during the final Blix showdown, Smantha Flynt was granted a full cadetship at Kazam, ‘no matter how long it took’. She has still to get her magic licence, despite the Useless Brother’s insistence that she should have a licence anyway, ‘for being so utterly captivating’. She has turned him down for marriage sixty-seven times, proving perhaps that she is not quite as stupid as we think.

  Tiger is still learning about running the company, and if Zambini does not appear by the time I am eighteen, will take over from me then. He will be good at it, and likely better than I.

  As for the once All Powerful Conrad Blix, we donated him to the Hereford Museum, where he can still be seen to this day. His perfidious exploits are outlined for all to read, and his unseeing granite form is insulted and derided by the many schoolchildren who pass him every day. His attempt to murder half the residents of Hereford and seize the throne is often talked about, and his lack of compassion, rampant greed and murderous intent are often compared to those of his mad evil genius grandfather, Blix the Hideously Barbarous.

  It’s what he would have wanted.

  Jennifer Strange will be back in:

  The Return of Shandar

  About the author

  * * *

  Jasper Fforde is the critically acclaimed author of The Last Dragonslayer, Shades of Grey, the Nursery Crime books: The Big Over Easy and The Fourth Bear, and the Thursday Next novels: The Eyre Affair, Lost in a Good Book, The Well of Lost Plots, Something Rotten, First Among Sequels and One of Our Thursdays is Missing.

  After giving up a varied career in the film world, he now lives and writes in Wales, and has a passion for aviation.

  You can visit www.jasperfforde.com to find out more.

  Last year we ran a Draw a Dragon competition to celebrate the creation of the Last Dragonslayer series. There were lots of wonderful entries for Jasper Fforde to choose from, but the winner is . . .

  George Riley from the Central Foundation Boys’ School

  Jasper says:

  ‘This was a very tricky decision for us as the quality was very high indeed, but after much consideration we decided that George Riley’s was the winning entry. We felt that not only was it a very striking image that had been undertaken with much skill and thought, but also captured the spirit of Jennifer’s world, with cars and cooling towers. We also liked the dragon with a long, sinuous neck for peering inquisitively at stuff, and quite naturally, a long tail to balance it. It’s a lovely picture – thank you!’

  The winning picture is displayed on the next page.

  George Riley Central Foundation Boys’ School

  Explore the world of Jasper Fforde’s

  The Last Dragonslayer

  Now available as an App for Apple iPhone and iPad

  Discover more about the Ununited Kingdoms,

  from the grim wastes of Trollvania to the Corporate Kingdom of Financia.

  Become a true Dragonslayer’s apprentice by reading

  The Dragonslayer’s Manual, updated regularly by RSS feed.

  Learn about Quarkbeasts and Shridloos, and the other fantastics beasts

  that live in the Kingdoms – and of course, the Dragons who once terrorised the land.

  You can also read the full text as an Ebook

  and listen to the synchronised unabridged audiobook.

  Find it online at the iTimes App store

  http://itunes.apple.com/gb/artist/hachette-uk/id361205465

  Enhanced Editions

  To find out more about

  The Song of the Quarkbeast

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  details, reader parodies, fan clubs, songbooks, dodo

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  and much, much more, go to

  www.jasperfforde.com

 

 

 
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